


My Balkan

by burusume



Category: Hetalia: Axis Powers, Yugotalia
Genre: Emo, Goths, M/M, Vampires
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-10-07
Updated: 2017-10-07
Packaged: 2019-01-10 08:10:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 2,311
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12295014
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/burusume/pseuds/burusume
Summary: Hi my name is Janez Koko Shortstuff Brown Margon





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is, just like the title states, a rewrite on the infamous My Immortal. Started being written in the Balkantalia server, this is a revamped version which has suffered some little fixes.

_Character Notes:_

Serbia is the author (Tara)

Romania is Raven (Tara’s friend)

Slovenia is Ebony

Croatia is Draco

–more characters to be added. all ocs used belong to [@yugotix](https://tmblr.co/mih8tK7TwFRfnnYsoeQXnHA)–

 

**Chapter 1**

**_AN: all the rakija (tho not rlly all of it i wan sum too XD) 2 my bf (EW not in that way >:( no homo in my loBBY) mihey, sebastian_stan69 4 helpin me witttt da story! and fo givin me da hugs <3 U ROCK I LUV U BABE dra u r da luv of my alcohol and smoking life i wanna bang dat ass sun B) JK U SUCK HAHA!1! TURBOFOLK 4 LAIF!   
_ **

Hi my name is Janez Koko Shortstuff Brown Margon and I have short brown hair (that’s how I got my name) that is dyed blonde except for my roots and brown eyes like chocolate and a lot of people tell me I look like Hannah Montana’s brother (AN: if u don’t know who he is get da hell out of here!). I’m not related to Žižek but I wish I was because he’s a major fucking hottie. I’m a vampire but my teeth are straight and white. I have pale white skin. I’m also a wizard, and I go to a magic school called Hogwarts in England where I’m in the seventh year (I’m seventeen). I’m a goth (in case you couldn’t tell) and I wear mostly black. I love Hot Topic and I buy all my clothes from there. 

For example today I was wearing a black corset hidden under a lace gothic lolita steampunk shirt and pants that a lead singer from an industrial progressive alternative grunge lo-fi band would wear and fluffy slippers. I was wearing black lipstick, white foundation, black eyeliner and red eye shadow. I was walking outside Hogwarts. It was snowing and raining so there was no sun, which I was very happy about. A lot of preps stared  _down_  at me. I put up my middle finger at them. 

“Hey Janez!” shouted a voice. I looked up. It was…. Dražen Krleža! 

“What’s up Dražy?” I asked. 

“Nothing.” he said shyly. 

But then, I heard my friends call me and I had to go away.

  ** _AN: IS it good ma dudez??? PLZ tell me brozz!!_**


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2**

**_AN: All da pljeskavica to miheyy fo checkin da chapta!! BTW preps stop flaming ma story dudezz get a lif!!_ **

 The next day I woke up in my bedroom. It was snowing and raining again. I used my feeble beautiful aesthetic arms to open the door of my coffin and drank some blood from a bottle I had. My coffin was black ebony and inside it was hot pink velvet with black lace on the ends and a TV set inside. I got out of my coffin and took off my giant sLOVEnia t-shirt which I used for pajamas. Instead, I put on a fluffy pink lace tanktop and over it a black shirt and a sweater and a cardigan and a jacket and then I put on my shorts and bunny slippers. I put on eight pairs of earrings in my pierced ears, and put my hair in a kind of messy manbun. 

My friend, Vladimir (AN: Miheyy dis is u the loser needs a friend ok) woke up then and grinned at me. He flipped his long waist-length blonde-black hair with strawberry pink streaks and opened his blood red eyes. He put on his Sandu Ciorbă t-shirt with a Dracula-printed pair of puffy trousers and put a ring on every finger (even on his toes) . We put on our makeup (black lipstick white foundation and black eyeliner.) 

“OMFG, I saw you talking to Dražen Krleža yesterday!!” he said excitedly. 

“Yeah? So?” I said, blushing. 

“Do you like Dražen??” he asked as we went out of the Slytherin common room and into the Great Hall. 

“No I so fucking don’t boyy!!” I shouted. 

“Yeah, right” he giggled. Just then, Dražen walked up to me. 

“Hi.” he said. 

“Hiii~” I replied flirtily. 

“Guess what.” he said. 

“What?” I asked. 

“Well, Bugarski rep are having a concert in Hogsmeade.” he told me. 

“Oh. My. Fucking. God!” I screamed. I love Bugarski rep. They are my favorite band, besides Florin Salam and Guță (AN: see Miheey its those dudez you told me about!). 

“Well…. do you want to go with me?” he winked with both of his eyes.

 I gasped. 


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have decided to add some typos to the characters’ names that didn’t come out that soon in the original, but it would’ve been a shame to miss out those occasions.

**Chapter 3.**

  ** _AN: if u don’t stop flamin ma story ill get ma dogs on u u fuckin filthy preps!!1 ajvar_mom ty for ur review yes they are going to do something with their thingies in the next chapters <3 <3 also btw i dont own the lyrics of bugarski rep_**

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 On the night of the concert I put on a fluffy fur-coated pink tanktop because I felt pretty cold and a jacket with a chicken with a bazooka on the back and my ripped jeans and red combat boots. I put on a ring on every of my finger because I’m not a fucken prep I’m goth just like my friend Vladimir. I straightened my hair and put some gel on it so that I looked like a cow just licked me. I felt a little depressed then, so I slit one of my wrists. I read a depressing book called “Croatia EU accession bid” while I waited for it to stop bleeding and I listened to some Slovene rap. I painted my nails black and put on TONS of black eyeliner. Then I put on some black lipstick. I didn’t put on foundation because I was pale as a sheet anyway. I drank some human blood so I was ready to go to the concert. 

 I went outside. Dražen was waiting there in front of his flying car. He was wearing an Osmi Putnik t-shirt (they would play at the show too), baggy black skater pants, black nail polish and a little eyeliner (AN: it makes those big green eyes look even prettier ok!) and some foundation to hide his freckles and whatever. 

 “Hi Drazen!” I said in a depressed voice. 

 “Hi Janež” he said back. We walked into his flying black Zastava (the license plate said 666) and flew to the place with the concert. On the way we listened excitedly to Bugarski rep and Yugo rock and love songs. We both smoked cigarettes and drugs and vaped ćevapi. When we got there, we both hopped out of the car. We went to the mosh pit at the front of the stage and jumped up and down as we listened to Bugarki rep.

 _“Štip štip dip dip dip dip štip dip dip dip dip”_  sang that filthy lead singer (I don’t own da lyrics 2 dat song even if I wish I did!!). 

 “That guy is so fucking hot.” I said to Dražen, pointing to him as he sung, filling the club with his amazing voice. 

 Suddenly Dražen looked sad like someone just stole his salad. 

 “What’s wrong?” I asked as we moshed to the music. Then I caught on. 

 “Hey, it’s ok I don’t like him better than YOU!” I said.

 “Really?” asked Dražen sensitively and he put his noodle arm around me all protective.

 “Really.” I said. “Besides I don’t even know that guy and he’s going out with some blonde chalga singer with big tits. I fucking hate that bitch.” I said disgustedly, thinking of her ugly blonde face and of the fact that I had no tits at all. 

 The night went on really well, and I had a great time. So did Dražen. After the concert, we drank some beer and asked the other singer and the lead singer for their autographs and photos with them. We got Bugarski rep concert tees. Dražen and I crawled back into the Zastava, but Dražen didn’t go back into Hogwarts, instead he drove the car into……………………… the Forbidden Forest! 


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4.**

  ** _AN: fuckin preps his name is JANOS not fuckin janez!! the fuck is a janez anyway. anyways much love to yoghurt-69 for the kudos yus I LOVE BUGARSKI REP TOO LUV U MAN_**

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 “DRAŽONNN!” I shouted. “What the fuck do you think you are doing?” 

 Drajeen didn’t answer but he stopped the flying car and he walked out of it. I walked out of it too, curiously. 

“What the fucking hell boi??” I asked angrily. 

 “Janos..?” he asked. 

 “What?” I snapped. 

 Vuk leaned in extra-close and I looked into his gothic red eyes (he was wearing color contacts) which revealed so much depressing sorrow and evilness and the original shit green and then suddenly I didn’t feel mad anymore. 

 And then………………………(yes dis is a long pause i learned it makes up for gud suspence!!) suddenly Dražan kissed me passionately. Dražen climbed on top of me and we started to make out keenly against a tree. He took of my top and I took of his clothes and boxers that looked like a red and white cheesboard like what a nerd. I even took of my fluffy tanktop. Then he put his thingie into my butt (they didn’t have lubrifiant but dat doesn’t matter ok shut up preps1!) and we did it for the first time. 

 “Oh! Oh! Hooooh! ” I screamed. I was beginning to get an orgasm. We started to kiss everywhere and my pale body became all warm. And then…. 

 “WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING YOU MOTHERFUKERS?!?” 

 It was………………………(wait for it)…………………………….Enis!! 


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5**

_**AN: SSSTOP FLAMING U BITCHEZ!1! if u flam that meanz ur a TURBOFOLK H8ER!! ILL HUNT U DOWN U LITTLE SHITZ!! Da only reson Enos swor is coz he ran out of cigers okkk an on tup of dat he wuz mad at dem 4 having sexx! PS im nut updating umtil I get five good revoiws!** _

 Ennas made Dražen and I follow him. He kept shouting at us angrily. 

“You Azis (AN nno flamen i luv azis but enis don’t okk) fools!” he shouted.

 I started to cry tears of blood down my palid face. Dražen comforted me, wrapping one of his noodle arms around me again. When we went back to the castle Penis took us to Professor Metikoš and Professor Janeska who were both looking very angry.

 "They were having sexual intercourse in the Forbidden Forest yo dang!!“ he yelled in a furious voice. 

"Why did you do such a thing, you mediocre ajvar lovers?” asked Professor Jaknoww. 

“How dare you?” demanded Professor Macintosh. 

And then Dražen shrieked in his high-pitched gay voice. “BECAUSE I LOVE FUCKING HIM!!” (AN lol what a dumbb bitchh he meant “bc i fuckin love him” but ye he a dumass) 

Everyone was quiet. Ponis and Professor Yahoo still looked mad but Professor Mac-Mac said. "Fine. Very well. You may go up to your rooms.“ 

Dražen and I went upstairs while the teachers glared at us.

 "Are you okay, Jany?” Dražen asked me gently. 

“Yeah I guess.” I lied. I went to the boy’s dorm and brushed my teeth and my hair and changed into a fluffy pair of PJs that looked like a chicken costume. When I came out….(AN lol gettit WHEN HE CAME OUT like he gayy) 

Dražen was standing in front of the bathroom, and he started to sing “Despacito”. I was so flattered, even though he wasn’t supposed to sing such a fuckin prep song. We hugged and kissed. After that, we said goodnight and he reluctantly went back into his room. 


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter 6.**

_**AN: i decidod to thank al reviows i get staring from 2day so THX gay_suggestion for ur looonngg cummentary on ma fic!! i didnt rlly get that part on “self-insert” or whatevs but ye i luv u!! coffee_stressed tyyyy for ur outfit adeas for wanez!! oh btw if i dont get more reviows i wont release the next chap >:) **_

 The next day I woke up in my coffin. I put on a black jacket, a black t-shirt and black ripped jeans, which all had little spikes on them, even my shoes and underwear had spikes. I put on chicken-shaped earrings to make a statement about my fursona. I spray-painted my hair with L'oreal Shade Sand Blonde 3.14 to cover up any brown roots. 

 In the Great Hall, I ate some Cunt Chocula cereal with blood instead of milk, and a glass of red blood. Suddenly someone bumped into me. All the blood spilled over my top. 

 "Bastard!“ I shouted angrily. I regretted saying it when I looked up cause I was looking into the pale white face of a gothic boy with spiky black hair with red streaks in it. He was wearing so much eyeliner that it was going down his face like tiny droplets of limpid black tears and he was wearing black lipstick. His hair looked like it was stripped out of the most angsty punk magazine. He was wearing red contacts just like Dražen. He had a sexy balkan-moved-to-uk-then-back-home Dua Lipa kind of accent which was hot af. He looked exactly like what Tito must’ve looked like as a teen. He was so sexy that my body went all hot when I saw him kind of like an erection only I’m a twink so I didn’t get one you sicko yikes.

 "I’m so sorry.” he said in a shy voice.

“That’s all right. What’s your name?” I questioned. 

“My name’s Jalal, although most people call me Vampire these days.” he grumbled. 

“Why??” I exclaimed.

 “Because I love the taste of human blood.” he giggled. 

“Well, I am a vampire.” I confessed. 

“Really?” he whimpered.

 “Yeah.” I roared.

 We sat down to talk for a while. Then Dražen came up behind me and wrapped me in his noodle arms again and told me he had a surprise for me so I went away with him. 


End file.
